Today, I stood by your graveside
with mourners and memories.
I heard the prayers and saw the tears
but was lost in the frequencies:
earthly voices, sullen tones,
otherworldly desperate moans.
Between heaven’s call,
and the pain of it all,
and the desire for myself
as long as I could.
But I can stand no more.
I try to tune my ear to your voice,
as if Heaven gave such a choice
to broken souls on this sphere.
If you could, could you draw near?
I sleep. I wake. I toss. I dream.
I cry. I hit. I yell and scream.
I can’t go back, can’t move ahead.
I wish that I too were dead.
I cannot share this loss and fear,
the searing heat of stinging tears,
the silent regrets of painful years,
with no way to change them now.
How. do. I. keep. breathing?
Sleep… please, come to me.
Let me be a memory, too.