The Gentlemen’s Room

Looking in the window
my reflection looks at me.
The sight might right the wrong,
I thought I’d never see.
For just behind my shoulder
as plain as it could be
a homeless man
unzipped his pants,
and he began to pee.

Condemnation filled my mind.
I was so surprised.
Until I took a deeper look
and saw an apple pie.
Right there in the restaurant
setting on the countertop

Stop! Wait… did you say pee?
Oh yeah! The homeless guy.
I got distracted by the pie.
Oh my, how offensive!

I turned and said to him,
“Don’t you know that such an act
is surely a big sin.”
But then he pointed to the sign:
“Shirt and Shoes Required.”
And with a gleam in both our eyes,
we suddenly conspired.
My shoes came off
His feet slipped in
And through the door he ran,
A dirty, smelly, smoky,
half dressed homeless man.
He ran passed the hostess,
the waiters and the staff.
A little girl gave a whirl
and he began to laugh.
Flying passed the tables
a little boy yelled “ZOOM!”
And about that time the homeless man reached the gentlemen’s room.
Well, on his heels
they started to peel,
for the workers took off fast.
And just inside the bathroom door
his apparent hopes were dashed.
They grabbed him by the scruff of the neck
and dragged him across the floor.
Everybody in the restaurant
found themselves quite abhorred.
The sight and smell was an awful thing,
and they had paid a price.
And it was such a fancy place
and everything was nice.
But now thrown out,
back on the street,
it would once again be fine.
All the patrons would
return to their meal,
and they again would dine.

And we sat down out on the street,
and laughed as folks walked by.
While we sat there around the corner
I laughed ’til I almost cried,
for while everyone was distracted
I’d snitched the apple pie!

-H. Louis Jones Jr

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